Only To Be Taken Away

And as quickly joy can be taken away. Men will be men, but maybe one day they will understand- no one likes to be the wishbone.

I've said it before. Sahnka tends to be the loner because often his words come out harsher than most people like. It is not because he does not care about people. Nothing could be further from the truth. It is because Sahnka cares so deeply that he gets so passionate about it. Sometimes that passion leads him to speak wrongly, or too bluntly, or even sometimes just plain make a mess of things. The point of that is that at least he cares. He is not one of those men so wrapped up in his own life that others do not matter to him. He feels the pull of Tribe, and he feels it all the way to the very core of who he is.

That led him to speak to the Ubar on other matters. I could tell it was not going well. I understood what he was trying to say. He understood what he was trying to say, but apparently we were the only two. Sahnka, being Sahnka, got more and more upset when it felt like he was not being heard. The Ubar was LISTENING, but I don't think he was hearing what Sahnka was trying to say. For what ever reason - the words too harsh, the words not chosen right - the obvious thing was that neither man was hearing the other despite the fact they were trying to listen. Really, really trying to listen, too.

Bad things happen when both parties truly do want to listen, but they can't seem to HEAR the other. Misunderstandings lead to anger, and those watching are left baffled and confused. Why? Because it is one of those 'huh' things. How could they not hear just how much of what they were saying they were agreeing with each other. Blame, in such issues, is pointless at this point.

He asked Sahnka if he wanted to sit at the First Fires.

Sahnka, angry and hurt at this point, said no.

I was given a choice. The man I have loved as long as I can remember, or the First Fires which I have deep- personal reasons for wishing to join.

Isn't it grand to have your dreams given to you with one hand and ripped away with the other?

Men, will be men. I understand that.

The problem is the stubborn oafs never see that dropping that pebble effects everyone. The ripples washed over me, but - choices had to be made.

Dreams Do Come True

Dreams held close to the chest, whispered hopes to the drifting clouds. Maybe the Skies really were listening?

I came to the fire to find Sahnka speaking to the Ubar, and that alone surprised me. Sahnka is, and always has been, more of a loner. He tends to be a bit harsh in his words, and he knows that just dosn't sit will with some. He had chosen to come to the fires without prodding, and at first I had no idea why.

He wanted to speak to the Ubar, and it did not take long for the drift of the conversation to reach my ears. The Ubar called me over to ask me if I loved Sahnka. The question startled me with its bluntness. The answer I gave was the true one, but it was also the simple answer. Of course I love Sahnka. I have loved him since I was a child. I have loved him since I understood what love is. I kept my love to myself, and I watched as his life carried him on another path while my heart broke silently within my chest. I kept my pain to myself, for it wasn't right to inflict it on others.

When the Bride Price was agreed upon I thought my heart would explode with joy. I wanted something to pinch me to make sure I was awake. I did not make a big, tearful sort of display - but inside I suddenly felt like girl with her nose first pierced and happy. I felt as if in that moment there was nothing that could take my joy away, and maybe - just maybe - my Little Brother was right. It was my turn to be happy.

But - as with all things - I should have known better....

He Rides the Skies

Father's spirit is finally free. I will miss him. Oh Skies I will miss him. He was my father, and to me there was nothing he could not do. No monster or enemy he could not say. No story he did not know. No hurt he could not make go away by telling me everything was going to be fine. He was my Father, and he was my hero. He as also suffering, and it is good that is over.

You see, I love my father enough to honor his wishes. His wishes that I take care of my little brother. His wish that I move forward in life, and that I find happiness in my own right. That I spend my time not mourning his loss, but in celebration of his life. Those are his wishes, and the best way to honor my father is to live, love, laugh, and embrace my life. The best way to honor him is to not let Sixth Son remember that he was loved, and that his father was so proud of him he was near to bursting with it. I will keep his memory alive with the stories, but they will be good stories told with smiles and laughter. We will rejoice - his spirit is finally again free.