My Father

Maybe I should not have tried to keep my father's condition as hidden as I have. I am not ashamed of it. He was wounded in a raid, his head took a serious blow among other injuries. The infection that set in caused his fever to climb so high the Healers did not think he would live. My father has always been a strong man, and he surprised us all when he did survive. Unfortunately, all of him did not survive. He had changed, and in many ways that fever did claim the life of my father. It takes as much energy to keep up after him as it does my younger brother. He gets confused, he says things that are mean spirited and hurtful, he is prone to headaches that keep him in the wagon for sometimes days. There are good days where he is almost the father I remember, but those are few and far between. What the wounds and fever left behind are a different man. They left behind a man who often doesn't know who I am, and worse he doesn't even remember who my brother is.

I have kept it secret the best I can. Of course, there are some from wagons near us that know what is happening. They try to help when things get rough. They are willing to make good trades so that we have what we need, and they are willing to sit with Father on those bad days so I can tend to what needs done. They have helped find him when he gets confused and wanders off. I have kept it a secret because my father does not deserve to be remembered as this. He deserves to be remembered as the strong, proud, wonderful man he was before the fever. He spent his whole life caring for and protecting me. Its my turn to protect him now. Its just my turn.

It is hardest on my brother, but I never knew just how hard it is on this little boy who shouldn't have to carry that kind of burden. He is smart, my father's Sixth Son. He loves me, but he seems to feel that no one else does and it bothers him. He told the Ubar that I take care of everyone, but no one takes care of me. That little boy decided then and there he would do his best to take care of me. I wish he knew how much he means to me. I will make extra time, and he and I will go on one of our walks again like we did when he was little. I will take some food, and we will make a small little meal together. He needs to understand that he helps more than he ever knew. Every smile, every laugh, every hug just makes the days so much brighter. He shouldn't have to carry that burden, but he will. He is Tuchuk, and it is our way. I will just make it as light of one as I can for him. He still needs to be a boy.

Things are getting better for us, though. Sahnka has taken to taking my brother with him, and has started teaching him the things I don't know how to do. Things my brothers, the two that have lived to be adults, should have taught him. They can't be bothered to. They are ashamed of what has happened to our father, but they should be ashamed of themselves. Sahnka and my brother, they need each other. Sahnka gives him that man to look up to and guide him in life. He reminds Sahnka that life goes on. In their mutual losses they have found what they need in the other. It is good. The Ubar sent one of his guards home with us. The man has come in handy, though I don't think he knew what he was getting into. He has helped move heavy things, helped my brother fetch water, and when my father wandered off in mid morning he helped us find him. This man was good with my father, and he then sat with him for about an ahn listening and talking. He did not treat my father badly, but he did give him attention so that I could cook food and clean up after. Sahnka does that when he's not with the herds or on patrol, but it is kind of nice to have another set of eyes, too.